Congratulations. A representative will be in touch shortly.
Please wait for the knock on your door, the scratching in the night, or the feeling of all-consuming cosmic dread on the event of your death.
Get the most for your soul.
In days gone by, soul valuation was a vague and awkward affair, usually involving midnight Faustian bargains held at crossroads.
No more! Soul Compare instantly weighs your soul using your Facebook timeline, and provides quotes from all the major supernatural soul-trading entities.
Remember: "a worthy soul is one splayed onto Facebook". (Zuckerberg 19:4).
Get started: connect with Facebook
Your private data never leaves your browser. Nothing is posted to Facebook without your permission.
If you're using a Facebook-blocking extension, it won't work. Obviously.
They're all here.
Lucifer. The Great Old Ones. Asgard. They're all just a click away, and there's no messy blood-spilling needed. SoulCompare works with all the major supernatural entities to make sure you get the best possible deal for your one and only immortal soul.
Safe, secure, private.
We will never post anything to your Facebook timeline without your permission, and will never keep any of your personal data. We might be brokers for soul-sucking fiends from beyond time and space, but we're not evil.
More friends means you're more valuable. That's what Klout thinks, anyway.
A busy social life indicates a well-tended soul; so sayeth Zuckerberg.
Ill-thought comments take away from the soul. Also, "LOL!!!!"s and "OMG"s.
The gods frown on those who have already sold out.
Here are your offers:
Anubis offers vengeance over your enemies.
By accepting this offer, your heart will become heavier than a feather. Upon death, your soul will be devoured by Ammit, the crocodile-lion-hippopotamus.
Burger King offers $2 discount on any Whopper®.
By accepting this offer, your body will become somewhat heavier and your death may arrive slightly earlier.
Cthulhu offers a temporary reprieve from being devoured.
By accepting this offer, you risk unleashing a terrifying horror from beyond time and space.
Lucifer offers the talent of your choice.
By accepting this offer, you agree to burning in eternal hellfire after your death, unless you can cheat Lucifer on some folk-tale technicality.
MasterCard offers 24,000 air miles.
By accepting this offer, you risk spiralling deeper and deeper into debt and having a vague sense of disquiet with your mediocre achievements.
Tezcatlipoca offers forgiveness for your sins.
By accepting this offer, your heart will literally be torn out. Note that Tezcatlipoca is a trickster god and deals are made at your own risk.
Thor offers strength and courage.
By accepting this offer, you accept an afterlife of peaceful drinking around a warm hearth. Wait, really? Huh. That's pretty good, actually.
Tom Jones offers a warm Welsh baritone.
By accepting this offer, you can give it to me when I need to come along. Sex bomb, sex bomb, you're a sex bomb; baby, you can turn me on.